Letter: My Ex Won’t Communicate With Me About Our Children

Letters From Readers

Hi Susan,

My ex-husband and I had a nasty divorce.  What I don’t understand is how come the courts expect us to communicate well after the divorce if we didn’t do so before it?  My ex is custodial parent due to my travel for work schedule.  He is supposed to tell me of school activities, report cards, etc. but he doesn’t.  What do I do?



Hi Celia,

You ask a great question; one I ask myself all the time.  If two people divorce because they can’t communicate well and their divorce is contentious, why on earth do the courts assume that, once the dust settles (which in a toxic divorce it never does), that the couple will begin to communicate effectively? It just makes no sense.  However, they do it all the time and with high expectations for communication success!!

I assume, although you did not specify, that you have an arrangement for communication regarding the children. If you do, your ex-husband is in contempt and you may file contempt charges against him so that he is under the watchful eye of the court.  If you don’t have any documentation for how to communicate child issues, you must devise a plan with your attorney or with the courts.  You are entitled to be in-the-loop as far as your children are concerned and he is not entitled to shut you out.