Letter: My Ex Calls Me Names When We Exchange Children For Visitation

Letters From Readers

Dear Susan,

Each time my ex husband and I exchange our daughter  for visitation, he cusses me out and calls me names like whore, bitch and fat slob.   This is upsetting to our 7 year old daughter.   How can I get him to stop?

Bella

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Hi Bella,

Good question.  You are not going to like my answer.  You can’t get him to stop.

Your ex husband is angry and as long as he is still mad, he is going to say these things.

I would send him a nice email asking him to please stop calling you  nasty names around your daughter because it upsets her.   Please make it a one sentence requests with no further elaboration.  The request speaks for itself.

Will he stop?  Probably not.  The only thing you can do is make the exchange as quick as possible.  When you daughter tells you that she gets upset from this kind of talk, let her know that you don’t like it either and have asked him to stop. Then drop it.

Your daughter is only going to get older.  As she does, she will recognize how inappropriate her dad’s behavior is.   She will know that you did not like it, asked him to stop and never gave into or responded to it, meaning you did not go tit-for-tat with him.

Bella, these things are very frustrating.   Remember, you cannot change your ex’s behavior.  You can decide how to respond to it.  Your daughter will see, if she does not already, who is acting as a grown up and who is behaving like a spoiled child.

Susan